Love in it's many facets

I've had a lot of weird stuff running through my head lately. Scenario's mostly. What might've been and what yet may be. It's funny to think what might've happened if I'd kissed her that night, or if I'd called another her after our first date, or if I'd had the confidence in myself to ask multiple past, present, and future hers out.I believe the operative words here are "I'd" and "her".

Here's a good one for you, "I'd never believe my own luck with 'hers' if I hadn't experienced it myself."

Thinking about this is rather strange. My whole life I've never looked back and said anything in regret. Usually I just used a favorite excuse like, "Oh, well, we couldn't las 2 years apart anyway." or "She would've sent the ol' dear John after 6 months.". There was only one person I had any regret with and we wound up being too different to be together as anything more than friends.

I came home and now I've run out of excuses for not dating (except that I just don't want to). It's an unusual thing, I suppose, for a guy in my position NOT to want to date, butthen again when have I ever been usual about anything?

I do miss the tingles, though. You know what I'm talking about. That uspoken feeling you have whenever you think of someone special to you, to whom you know you're also special, like sheer energy flowing through your body, crackling at certain points with pure warmth.

Yeah, I miss that. But it makes life a lot easier to be invincibilly secure behind a wall of seclusion.

Unfortunately, the heart is as much a muscle as a bicep or quadricep, and will atrophy with time. That's my only fear. That my own invicibility will be my own undoing. Ah, well, working at my job and trying to find a girl, not having success at either.