Journey On

It feels good just to sit sometimes. To bask in the warm glow of my computer screen, listen to matchbox 20, which, for some reason really speaks to me. Bands don't usually do that. I tend to love anything acoustic, and when I found some acoustic stuff they did online, I fell even further. I'm still convinced 3 a.m. is one of the greatest songs ever, but it's acoustic counterpart blows it out of the water.

Just to sit, listening to waves of harmony flow over your body like water, filling you up somehow, that's heaven. This is feeling alive for a few minutes. This is the reason to exist, just to do so. No concern about destiny, fate, pain, love, death, or any of it.

Words just seem to flow off your fingertips. You don't know why, but they just do. You don't know why you say anything, because usually it doesn't feel like anyone reads it. But you keep posting. It's what you do because it keeps you sane, and it makes you happy. Happy to be alive.

I love this quiet so much sometimes. No loud obnoxious rock blaring in your ears from across the house. No screaming babies (I love them so much, but I think it's true that they're the cutest when they sleep). Just me. Here.

Went to see Batman Begins tonight. My geekishness was appeased therein. I was so afraid they would do to Scarecrow what they did to Poison Ivy, Two Face, and Riddler. Even Raz Algul was just amazing. Highly recommend it, if you even remotely like Batman still.

My only objection was the half hour of trailers that came first. THough the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Teaser was just lovely. Very excited for that.

Tried to scare up a date for tonight. No luck, she never called back, but hey, this is progress for me. At least I'm trying.

It's weird when your subconscious takes over your fingers and you start typing. You never know what's going to come out. My brother's been telling me lately, i'm like Multimedia software, that whenever anyone says something, I can come up with a song, a movie, a web site, a comic, something it reminds me of. Usually it somehow pops out of my mouth without my even realizing it. I guess I randomly break into song without meaning to. Steve keeps chuckling at me and saying "multimedia software" as he shakes his head.

Observation: being a 3rd wheel sucks. Watching my brother and his girlfriend hold each other close, yeah that sucks. I haven't had that since High School. Well, one other time, but that was a mistake. The first time is still fond in my memories.

Any Star Wars fans should check out http://darthside.blogspot.com/, nicely written, though the grammatics are off sometimes. i guess mine is too, so I've nowhere to complain.

I guess I haven't really said anything intelligible yet, have I? Well, no sense in starting now.

Really bored

You have a Purple Lightsaber.

Purple is associated with wisdom, dignity,
independence, creativity, mystery, and magic.
Purple denotes high spirituality and religious
aspiration. Purple also represents Peacefulness
and Purification. It also has a sense of
intuitive understanding and a feeling of
intimacy with the world.


What Colored Lightsaber Would You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

Bored, so I thought I'd steal this from Josh. Answer if you will.

WOULD U?
[_] go out with me?
[_] give me your number?
[_] kiss me?
[_] let me kiss you?
[_] watch a movie with me?
[_] let me take you out to dinner?
[_] let me drive you somewhere
[_] cut some rug with me?
[_] take a shower with me?
[_] be my bf/gf?
[_] have a fling with me?
[_] let me buy you a drink?
[_] take me home for the night?
[_] Would you let me sleep in your bed?
[_] Sing car karaoke w/ me?
[_] re-post this for me to answer your questions?
[_] give me a piggyback ride?
[_] Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere
[_] Lock me in your room and take advantage of me?
[_] lick my cheek?
[_] dance with me?
[_] let me make you breakfast?
[_] tap that ass?
[_] help me with homework?
[_] tickle me to death?
[_] let me tickle you?
[_] stick up for me if i was being put down?
[_] carress my body?
[_] play strip poker with me?
[_] say yes if i asked you out?
[_] borrow a pair of my underwear if yours for some reason got ruined?
[_] let me borrow your underwear if for some reason mine got ruined?
[_] get wasted with me?
[_] instant message me?
[_] greet me in public?
[_] hang out with me?
[_] bring me around your friends?

D0 Y0U...
[_] think im cute?
[_] think im hot?
[_] want to kiss me?
[_] want to cuddle with me?
[_] want to hook up with me?

ARE WE...
[_] aquintences?
[_] friends?
[_] in a relationship?
[_] gonna have kids?

AM i...
[_] smart?
[_] cute?
[_] funny?
[_] cool?
[_] loveable?
[_] adorable?
[_] compassionate?
[_] annoying?
[_] great to be with?
[_] attractive?
[_] mean?
[_] odd?

answer these for me
HAVE Y0U EVER...
[_] thought about me?
[_] thought there might be an "us"?
[_] thought about hookin up with me?
[_] found yourself wanting a kiss from me?
[_] wished i were there?
[_] grabbed me?
[_] had a crush on me?
[_] idolized me?
[_] wanted my number?
[_] had a dream about me?
[_] been distracted by me?

ARE Y0U...
[_] done with this survey?
[_] happy you know me?
[_] mad at me?
[_] thinkin bout me?

Warning: this blog entry contains geeky refrences to comic books

A friend recently posted this on his blog.

"Spider man is the alter ego of Peter Parker. Batman is the alter ego of Bruce Wayne. Daredevil is the alter ego of Matt Murdock. The Hulk is Bruce Banner. The list goes on and on. When these men wake up in the morning they are the regular normal men they portray in everyday real life. Peter Parker was born Peter Parker and Bruce Wayne was born Bruce Wayne etc.. THese men are normal men in real life and then become their super hero counterparts. Such is not the case with Superman. He was not born as Clark Kent. Clark didn not fall into some radioactive ooze and become the man of steel. He was born Superman. Clark Kent is his alter ego, his disguise, his cloke of anonymity. The glasses, the suit, the awkwardness. Those are his costumes. The clothing he wears when he is Superman are HIS cloths, not a costume. He was wrapped in the blanket with the big S on it when he was born. We cannot escape what we are."


Tosh (and yes, he really has a name that cool) made a good point. But as he saw himself as Superman, I've come to see myself as another man of steele.

I know, I know, I've joked for years about being the incredible Hulk, but the fact is, that was mostly because i was scared it's true. Hulk is powerful, yes, but unrestrained, full of rage,and free to use his power. I've always known there was power inside me, and I've always been afraid of what would happen if I ever let it out.

But now? I think Colossus of the X-men is more my style. An angel of grace pointed out to me that I should be him. I'm strong as can be, with a heart and soul of poetry. That just feels like a better fit than anger unrestrained until it explodes into feral rage.

I would rather be soft, human flesh until someone needs strength and steele, then I'm all there, ready and waiting.

Tosh goes on to say how there are some people showing minor accolades as greatness, that wear it like a disguise. I think one thing he neglected to mention, was that many times great people, like himself, try NOT to appear great. Usually, that's called humility.

I know Tosh is great, he always has been. I know a lot of great people, and if you don't know who you are, double check, because, as my dad would say, "Greatness, like everything, is a choice."


Colossus

If anything's possible...

What do you want?

No, seriously, if you could have anything you wanted in the entire world, any life, any wish, any fantastic dream you only dandle in your imagination, what would it be?

I think it's so funny when I hear the phrase "I'd give anything..." to go to, to have, to get, whatever.

And yet, it seems to me that whenever we say that, we're talking about the things we don't give anything for, either because we percieve them as too much work or as impossible.

I've heard that phrase on the lips of many people who consider themselves "dreamers". I say it's garbage. If you really were willing to give anything, you'd give it. If you want it that badly you would wear yourself out, day in and day out finding a way to make it possible.

I'm sure countless people throughout the ages have said "I wish I were rich.", "I wish I were strong", "I wish I wasn't so fat", or "I'd give anything to dance like that".

These phrases are spoken many times every day, but the fact is for every good thing in life, there's a price to pay. For the rich man, it may be years of struggle, poverty, fear of failure, and being the only one who believes in you.

For the the strong man and the fat man, it may be hours upon hours in the gym, hours researching foods, fewer junk foods, time spent learning about the body and muscle groups.

For the dancer it's hours on the stage, money into lessons, practice unceasing.

Have you ever noticed that when you really pusue something because you saw someone else do it well, very soon you forget about why you started, and just revel in the experience? For me, I want to be a great writer someday. Maybe all I'll ever publish is this blog, but if one person per entry for one moment stops and thinks, then I've accomplished my work for one day. And if they don't, so what? I get more satisfaction of vomiting thought and emotion onto this screen than anything I've ever done before.

I have known great people in all facets of life, and all of them have paid a harsh price for where they are. I recently heard a gentleman of my aquaintance, when asked about his ideal mate, respond "I need a girl who has suffered for her faith." I think he's right. Metal untried in forge's flame crumbles and dusts before it does much of anything.

So I have to stop and think, sometimes, before I let one slip, "What are you really willing to give?" Because the minute I say it, it becomes either a goal, or a lie. I recommend it highly to anyone who's ever wondered about what it takes to be great at something, to ask. We usually know enough about something to at least begin.

In conclusion, build castles in the sky, as they say, THEN worry about foundations beneath them. Build them strong, for they may be all you have in dark times.