Two faces...

I have two faces, two lives I lead every day.

You who know me well, if such a creature there be, know that I am not in person who I am when I write. When I write, I burn away that tired old mask I've worn since high school. I'm less silly, more serious. More honest, I suppose would be the best way to describe it. Maybe more free. The slangs I drop like pebbles along the beach all fall away. I become the thinker, the foolish philosopher, and the dreamer. I create worlds and destinies without a second thought.

And yet I walk out of my bedroom door, and I become someone else entirely. I become the goofy, annoying, air-headed dolt I am in the real world. I do become more outgoing there, which causes me no end of pain, with new people occasionally, but usually with old aquaintces I had hoped, once, were friends. Alas, that is a different story for another day.

So who am I? Am I the secluded hermit, alone with his thoughts, or am I the airy eyed wanderer, who meets others often, but rarely lets anyone in. The hermit wants to allow others in, to experience love in all of it's many ways, but the lighthearted fool will have none of it.

How do you fight a self-menace? How do you slay monsters inside of you? A part of myself that I hid away 6 years ago is begging me to come out, but that side has no social development. He hasn't seen the light of day since then. I suppose he's the part of myself I protect, though I think he's tough enough to care for himself. I suppose I've learned strength, learned to be more real.

But oh, to think again. To see something and not look over my notes of it in my little black notebook to reanalyze.

Yes!

I am I, Matthias of the Mountains! Lord of the Skies!

It's there, right in front of me, as it's been for so long. I was just too blind to see. Not distant, not too far now, says my map that's never steered me wrong, beyond the fading twilight, there lies my destiny.

I'm alive! I'm free! The days are coming on of trial, strain, and strife. I say bring them to me! For beyond them lies promise of new hope, new dreams, and new possibilities. I am no longer afraid. Fear has only held me back from adventure, strife, and pain. Give them to me! Give me life on a stick, on hammer, on a brick. Give it me, to make of it what I will. Raw and untamed, I will shape it as it shapes me, together we will create beauty and truth.

Oh our lives are so fleeting, so preciously short and sweet. A brief moment, a mere drop in the river of time. Yet how important a drop. How great a drop shall it be? that can only be dictated by it's owner. Each tear will pass, each joy will pass, but in their moments they are golden and priceless.

Overly optimistic? NO!

It's my journey, my path. I get to choose it! If I want it rocky, it will be rocky. If I want it rainy, soggy, and wet, it will be rainy soggy and wet. And should the road change without my choosing, I'll juggle the stones and dance in the rain, for they too are fleeting short.

Give me heartache and give me heartbreak, for they both mean I have loved. I will remember this one day, not to have loved, and I will laugh and count myself lucky.

My life is my own, if I choose to live it!


Now...

Come horizon!

COME!