Disclaimer: This blog is cathartically based. If you don't want have time to listen to me whine, I understand.

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Those lyrics keep going through my head. That and those words that haunt the corners of my mind like echoes in the darkness, surfacing at times when you can't hear much else.

Liar
Fool
Deciever
Failure
Hypocrite
Whistler in the Dark...

...and about a thousand other things like that. i am deigned and scarred. That which I protected above all else, that which has kept me alive more than once, my sacred honor, was trampled underfoot by one I entrusted a part of it's keeping to.

I have never trusted easily. Trusting someone means you can expect you daily comings and goings not to be common knowledge. To trust is to believe a person will talk to you before passing judgement, and thus you put stock in that judgement. To trust means you believe they will stick by you, forgive you your mistakes, and not expose you to the world. Maybe that's why I have perhaps one truly close friend outside my immediate family.

It isn't for lack of trying. I try to trust. I try to love. Sometimes all I want is to love again, even for just a moment. But after the last time, well, perhaps that part of me that knew how to love was burned away with a few fateful messenger lines.

An injury can end an athletes career, why not heartbreak a lovers? Shall I die, never allowing anyone to see the inner reaches of my wonderful world? To see what I see? Will anyone ever want to?