Who Dares, Wins
"You need to have more confidence in yourself."
That phrase keeps coming back to haunt me, everywhere I go. My mom, my friends, everyone seems to be saying it.
Confidence.
Something someone has, and someone else doesn't, and the only difference between the two seems to be that one has it and one doesn't, and that seems to separate them into their respective fates.
To believe in yourself, that must be something. To have great ideas, to know they're worthwhile, then seeing yourself as worthwhile enough to implement them. That must be an experience worth anything. All I know is this, the most frustrating thing is to have great ideas and not be able to find anyone who's worthy of them, who will believe in them like you do, and implement them.
It's not that I'm afraid of the work. No, that isn't it at all. It's that I see other works I've done, fallen into the dust of history, so not even a passerby will notice them by the wayside.
Where does one come by confidence, that feeling that one can do something and do it well. I used to be bubbling over with it. I used to walk into a room and captain it, steer it wherever I willed, and it went. That was the rudder confidence used to give me.
It was my true strength, you see. I'm a person of large stature, and I've always felt proud of it, but my real strength was confidence. The ability to believe in myself when nobody else did.
It got me leads in plays my first year in High School and College. I was good at performing, and I didn't care if anyone else was too, because I knew that if I wasn't good enough, then I would get better and shortly would be.
Now I have to sell any ideas I have to someone else before I can ever believe in it.
To live in the past is to lose the present, they say, but I say sometimes the answers lie in the past. In what we were.
I was a Theater student, then. Son of the stage, walker on the boards. I could be anyone I wanted to be. It was all one big game of pretend. One day I started pretending in real life, too. I kept pretending until suddenly I hit on who I had always wanted to be.
I don't think most people ever experience what it's like to be who you've always wanted to be. I highly recommend it, if you ever find yourself in a place to try. But at the same time I must issue it with a warning. Once you become someone you admire, that you've always wanted to be, once you lose that person, it's as keen a loss as you've ever felt. It's like standing above your own grave.
Disturbing image, isn't it?
Show me the way back to confidence, o universe in which I dwell, and I will lead as I did once, and follow as I did once.
That phrase keeps coming back to haunt me, everywhere I go. My mom, my friends, everyone seems to be saying it.
Confidence.
Something someone has, and someone else doesn't, and the only difference between the two seems to be that one has it and one doesn't, and that seems to separate them into their respective fates.
To believe in yourself, that must be something. To have great ideas, to know they're worthwhile, then seeing yourself as worthwhile enough to implement them. That must be an experience worth anything. All I know is this, the most frustrating thing is to have great ideas and not be able to find anyone who's worthy of them, who will believe in them like you do, and implement them.
It's not that I'm afraid of the work. No, that isn't it at all. It's that I see other works I've done, fallen into the dust of history, so not even a passerby will notice them by the wayside.
Where does one come by confidence, that feeling that one can do something and do it well. I used to be bubbling over with it. I used to walk into a room and captain it, steer it wherever I willed, and it went. That was the rudder confidence used to give me.
It was my true strength, you see. I'm a person of large stature, and I've always felt proud of it, but my real strength was confidence. The ability to believe in myself when nobody else did.
It got me leads in plays my first year in High School and College. I was good at performing, and I didn't care if anyone else was too, because I knew that if I wasn't good enough, then I would get better and shortly would be.
Now I have to sell any ideas I have to someone else before I can ever believe in it.
To live in the past is to lose the present, they say, but I say sometimes the answers lie in the past. In what we were.
I was a Theater student, then. Son of the stage, walker on the boards. I could be anyone I wanted to be. It was all one big game of pretend. One day I started pretending in real life, too. I kept pretending until suddenly I hit on who I had always wanted to be.
I don't think most people ever experience what it's like to be who you've always wanted to be. I highly recommend it, if you ever find yourself in a place to try. But at the same time I must issue it with a warning. Once you become someone you admire, that you've always wanted to be, once you lose that person, it's as keen a loss as you've ever felt. It's like standing above your own grave.
Disturbing image, isn't it?
Show me the way back to confidence, o universe in which I dwell, and I will lead as I did once, and follow as I did once.
posted by Matt at 12:52 AM
5 Comments:
You may believe me, and you may not, but I understand how you feel. I'm sorry that phrase haunts you. I just think you are an incredibly great person. I truly, honestly believe that. And hopefully one day you too will see why your family and friends admire you so much, and why Heavenly Father considers you one of His most precious creations. You'll make it through the battle with success. I know you will.
Who loves, lives. Matt, you are about the most loving individual I know right now. You are such a mover and shaker in this world, for all that you cannot always see the results of your doings. If you can still love those around you, Matt, you have confidence hidden within you, along with the person you've always wanted to be. Just keep searching, and once again, you will find him!
Matticus....first of all, I know exactly how you feel. Hard to believe, and you may deny that I could feel anywhere close, but for me my life has been the exact opposite. All through school and until my first year of college I was so unsure of myself and HAD to have the approval of everyone around me before I would believe that my ideas were worth anything. It wasn't until I met the three best friends I have ever had in my whole life that I started to believe in myself, and believing in yourself is the key ingredient to having confidence. I know you can be that person you most wanted to be, Matt. I know you can. I have faith in you, even if you don't have it in yourself.
"Don't let Yesterday hold Tomorrow hostage."
....the adorable Spock-eared-One, I think....
--President Spencer W. Kimball
It's so funny when you remember someone else's memories. When I was doing the photography that night for "The Odd Couple" I fell in love you. Everyone has always seen me as this indestructably confident being, but at that time in my life I needed a guide. At the cast party you sat by me, protected me from the Drunken Wonder, talked to me and told me who I was in that magical way that you have of always knowing who I am. For the first time in my life I believed in angels on Earth. Later, it was you who gave me the confidence to break off my engagement. It was you who protected me when he started "stalking" me. It was you who helped salve the unbearable guilt I felt every day about breaking his heart. You were the one I went to in times of trouble or need.
But it wasn't just that. You were the one I went to when I wanted to have fun. When I wanted a date to the Halloween dance who would be uninhibited and fun, willing to dress up as my gallant. I don't know what is going on in your life now, Matty. We have let ourselves get too far apart, as you well know. All I know is that you are one of my Knights in Shining Armor. One of the Greats from my past. When I think of you I smile and know that you are one of the most choice men I have ever met.
Maybe I should have told you all this sooner. Maybe I shouldn't have even told you now. Either way, you probably already had an inkling of the part you've played in my life. Sorry for the novel of a comment, but I just wanted you to know.
I love ya, and you should always know it.
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