Joining a million other bloggers on a rant this day
Sweat.
That's all I really want. To sweat and bleed into something. To give heart, soul, body, and mind over to a cause outside of myself. To create. To build something that people will see.
For some reason, that always excludes love. Sure, I ask girls out on occasion. That's what I have to do to convince my parents I'm not gay. Usually, I'm okay with that, with focusing on growing, learning, and bettering myself. But not today. Today's not the day for accomplishments, hopes, or dreams. Today is about the simple love between a woman and a man.
My best friend has found someone. How did this happen? Was it when I wasn't looking? I guess I HAVE rather been absent in the lives of my roommates and friends in Orem. But somehow he's living the life I paid for better than I could. He's willing to do the things I swore I'd never do again. The saddest/most irritating thing about some mistakes is how happy you were when you made them. You remember having everything you ever wanted, and giving it away for stupid reasons you can't seem to remember, but you seem to still cling too.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for my friend. He deserves a great girl, and I know this one is pretty amazing. It just wears on me how he seems to be able to do this. I think he knows my roommates and neighbors better than I do. He lets people in close so they get to know him well, and he gets to know them. Why can't I do that anymore?
What has the world done to me to turn me away from trusting anyone? Has the actions of one man killed my faith in humanity's possibilities? Has a tyrant killed my spirit? Will I ever love again?
That's all I really want. To sweat and bleed into something. To give heart, soul, body, and mind over to a cause outside of myself. To create. To build something that people will see.
For some reason, that always excludes love. Sure, I ask girls out on occasion. That's what I have to do to convince my parents I'm not gay. Usually, I'm okay with that, with focusing on growing, learning, and bettering myself. But not today. Today's not the day for accomplishments, hopes, or dreams. Today is about the simple love between a woman and a man.
My best friend has found someone. How did this happen? Was it when I wasn't looking? I guess I HAVE rather been absent in the lives of my roommates and friends in Orem. But somehow he's living the life I paid for better than I could. He's willing to do the things I swore I'd never do again. The saddest/most irritating thing about some mistakes is how happy you were when you made them. You remember having everything you ever wanted, and giving it away for stupid reasons you can't seem to remember, but you seem to still cling too.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for my friend. He deserves a great girl, and I know this one is pretty amazing. It just wears on me how he seems to be able to do this. I think he knows my roommates and neighbors better than I do. He lets people in close so they get to know him well, and he gets to know them. Why can't I do that anymore?
What has the world done to me to turn me away from trusting anyone? Has the actions of one man killed my faith in humanity's possibilities? Has a tyrant killed my spirit? Will I ever love again?
posted by Matt at 3:50 AM
2 Comments:
Hey Matt. I know how S.A.D feels myself, though I wouldn't use the same words to describe it. I do hope, however, that you were lucky enough to survive this day without crying, something I was (once again!) unable to accomplish. Cheer up, my friend. Things will turn around, soon. Be brave! Trust!
Matticus!!! Hey...don't get yourself down about girls and not letting people in. I thnk those who have really been hurt by someone have a harder time opening up. I used to be that way. I used to be so completely shut up in my own little world and wouldn't let anyone in. In fact, I'm still like that in a lot of ways, but you have to push past it. And more importantly, you have to find someone who will fight to get to know you better. And to be completely honest, Valentines day is the stupidest holiday ever. I don't see why we need an actual day on the calander to tell someone we love them. It should be something said every day if we really felt that way, you know? Any way, cheer up my friend, cheer up and know that I will always be here for you. Just let me know if you need to talk, okay?? Okay. Sounds good. Luv Yer Guts!!
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home